Trust

By Jennifer Hoyt


Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path. Proverbs 3:5-6.

We’re all familiar with unconditional love, the kind that persists regardless of conditions like “must love tacos” or “I’ll love you if you meet these expectations.” But have you ever considered the concept of conditional and unconditional trust?

A recent experience made me reflect on this distinction. It shed light on our tendency to apply conditional trust to God without realizing it. 

Our trust often hinges on conditions like, “I’ll trust you if I can control what you’re doing” or “I’ll trust you if I understand your plans.” We may think we trust God, but it’s those moments when life hits us with a zinger that reveals our true heart.

Let’s unpack. 
I’m a writer. God has specifically asked me to write. Makes sense since I’m a contributor to this here blog, right? :) I’ve also written a Christian Young Adult Sci-Fi novel that I’ve been trying to find representation to open the doors for publication. I've approached a plethora of agents and, so far, every one of them has rejected me. I’ve refined my manuscript and my pitch. Countless hours of toiling over how to create a winning hook and synopsis. Countless hours in book edits and, of course, writing it to begin with.

After a few rejections from more prominent secular agents, I felt super compelled to send it to a prominent Christian agent. The tough part was that this particular agent’s requirements for submissions were steep. Most agents want a query letter and a few sample chapters. He wanted a proposal that provided a hook, synopsis, full bio including writing and media experience, market analysis, comparative/competitive analysis, market plan and the entire book to be summarized into three pages start to finish, topped with a covering letter and three sample chapters.

Let’s just say it took weeks to craft these materials! Just before Christmas, I put everything together. We prayed over the materials and sent them out. Since I felt God inspired me to send my materials to this particular agent, I was pretty sure I knew the answer. This would be it! I waited and waited.


It took twelve long weeks to get a response, and to my great surprise, the answer was another rejection. 


I’d love to say my attitude was to praise God and thank Him for doing all things well, but it wasn’t. I’d love to say that I felt God was good all the time, but it wasn’t. My response was to feel confused, frustrated, angry and to pity myself a little.


Wait a minute God, this was supposed to work! I was supposed to get published. This was supposed to justify all the time I’ve spent not working in the real world. The royalties are supposed to help our family, but also to be seed money for building that ministry you’ve placed in our heart. The book alone was supposed to challenge the deceptive narratives influencing today’s generation. God, where are you, and where did I go wrong?

If you’ve ever felt like you were on a spiritual rollercoaster, where you thought you heard God’s voice but ended up in the wrong theme park, then welcome to my world. I realized I trusted God enough to write, to put my stuff out there, but only if the outcome was wrapped in a neat little bow of my desires. I was all in, as long as God’s plans coincided with my grand vision of success.

Let’s be real, that verse about trusting God with all my heart? It’s like reading a bedtime story — cozy, warm, and sweet. But in actually not relying on my own smarts and letting God be the GPS… well, let’s just say I’m still trying to find the “navigate to the faster route” button. My trust has been conditional. How about you?
Do we trust God when we don’t agree with Him? When someone passes away? When miracles don’t happen the way we expect? If His answer is no? 
Do we trust God when we don’t understand? I think of Abraham sacrificing Isaac. I can’t imagine Abraham’s position. We don’t always have the full picture, which is why we can’t lean on our own human and flawed understanding. But, in all our ways, we need to acknowledge Him so that He can direct our path.

In closing, in youth ministry, we’ve studied a video by Mike Todd where he speaks to youth about what he wishes someone would have told him. In it he says, “I wish someone would’ve told me, God is not interested in your big dreams. God is committed to the plan He has for your life!” This is why we have to, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.” Proverbs 3:5-6.