y Jennifer Hoyt
1 Samuel 8:4 “Now make us a king to judge us like all the nations.”

1 Samuel 8:7 And the Lord said to Samuel, “Heed the voice of the people in all that they say to you; for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected Me, that I should not reign over them.”

     Any readers out there ever get rejected? Woof. Rejection is the ultimate blow to our person-hood. It cuts to the very core of our being and is probably one of the more deeply painful things we experience as humans. I can feel my gut clench and my heart compact just thinking about it. In fact, rejection is at the root of much of the trauma that we deal with and recover from. Rejection is so much a part of our experience that I doubt I could find one person who hasn’t experienced it in their journey. I’m certainly no exception to that rule, and having just been through some rougher patches with the topic at hand, I thought I might share some of what God is teaching me, but before I delve in to my personal experience, I’d like to first set the biblical stage.

     In Samuel 8, we are observing a critical time in Israel’s history. Up to this point, God led the Jewish people Himself with the help of the Judges and Priests He appointed. Judges provided the people with military leadership, dispute resolution, and spiritual counsel. Priests served as oracles, making the will of God known, ensuring they observed His commandments, and atoning for the people’s sins. Things were going along pretty well until...
     
     The Jewish people look around and see the way of the world is to have a king preside over their people, and low and behold, they desired what everyone else had. I’ve been there. How about you? Sometimes the world looks good and we think we will get satisfaction by doing and having whatever everyone else does and has. For the Jews, instead of realizing the unique, set apart position they were in, they focused on how that made them different and their lack.
As humans, we don’t like to stand out. It leaves us opened for rejection. Appearing different is the worst! That’s why we need to dress in the current fashion, live in the best house, drive the latest whip, go on the most Instagramable vacations, and do our best to always appear like we have it together. It is also why we are afraid to speak up about our faith and shed light on moral truths during a time of great darkness and worldly decay.

     What’s really sad is that Israel didn’t see that they were, the. special. people. of. God! No other people group could say that God lead them through the desert by the cloud of His presence, provided miracle food from the heavens, confused, scattered, drowned and toppled their enemies. Israel saw their neighbors, and, simply… they wanted whatever they thought they didn’t have, and what they believed would make them happy...

     In writing this, I’m really tempted to launch off into discussing the areas of our lives where the thrones of our heart have rejected God’s leadership in favor of worldly kings (pop-culture, relationships, spiritual new-ageism etc.,), but when I sought God on this blog, He wants to deal with how rejection has marred our lives and what we need to do about it.
The countless ways that I, myself, have been rejected in life are far too numerous to delve into them in any great degree in one blog, but the important thing for you to know, is that the devil has layered experience after experience in order to do what he does... rob, steal, kill, cheat and destroy.

     Rejection started when I was in elementary school with my peers, and became more acute after I lost my mother to cancer, and bounced from home to home. Grief made me a bit of a standout in high school, where I faced more rejection. Rejection took new forms once dating began, and I entered the wrong relationships. My attempts to fill that gnawing hole inside, became collapsed marriages. Looking back, those relationships failed because of the myriad of all the other rejections and the micro-rejections triggered by one another and then reacted to out of the patterns of defensive behaviors that were formed to avoid pain. Before I illustrate my point with a more recent rejection, let’s look at how busy the enemy is in wielding rejection in our lives:

     The critical parent that only found fault. The addict that rejected in favor of their addiction. The cheating partner that betrayed, hurt, and humiliated. The peers that always made fun. The abuser who rejected to esteem their temper. The rapist who rejected your humanity to defile your body for their own pleasure. The backstabbing parishioner(s) that rallied others and left. The in-law that never thought you were good enough and never accepted you as part of the family. The employer that never could get behind your vision, and always passed you over for promotion. The sibling that never wanted you along for their fun and never saw your love for them. The ‘friend’ that was always nice to your face, but took great pleasure in stabbing you behind your back. The spouse who was never pleased and gave no approval. The parent that left and started a whole new family. The teenager who was always embarrassed of you. The teacher that made you feel stupid… Wowzer. I feel like this list could go on and on. Can you feel that? The pain and hurt… is it any wonder secular memes say things like, “Heal, so you don’t bleed on those that didn’t cut you” and “Hurt people, hurt people.” Rejection is powerful and I’ve only listed a few! I’m going to share a quick story that leads to the revelation God gave me.

     Some of you know I coach league, and AAU basketball. To be specific, I’ve been working with boys Grade 8-11. If I’m honest, I feel better suited to teach the girls, but, interestingly; the opportunity seems to always surround my son Oliver’s teams. At times, I’ve felt intimidated, wondering if I have enough to offer kids that are mostly,. (I’m pretty tough) physically superior to me. Let’s face it, at 47, I’m not as capable as 14-17-year-old boys in basketball! This year, they granted me permission to start the boys’ AAU program in Milton. This has not been allowed before, and it was an honor.

     Fearing I didn’t have enough experience, (and never consulting God), I sought a male influence for my program of young men (seemed pretty wise in my own eyes). My daughter’s boyfriend’s stepfather had given me a couple of opportunities to coach summer league for Oliver’s team over the past two summers, and we’d become close to their family, so I invited him. This individual is the type of male whose identity comes from coaching. Instead of trying to lift my arms and help me establish myself, things quickly became about him and his ego. Drama between Oliver, my son, and this male ensued. There was a lot of lining kids up for what seemed to me petty infractions and making them run and run. If this were school ball, running the boys ragged would have been fine. However, several of the players felt drained because they were playing a spring sport on top of AAU. Our practice was at 8pm, and many of them had already attended a prior practice earlier in the day.

     We were not on the same page when it came to our playbook. We didn’t agree on what defense to run. Drama unfolded as long texts and talks ensued. Three kids left the program. One courageous mom told me they didn’t like the other coach (him). Backstabbing began once word got out to him (them). I did everything I could to hold this program together, hoping the school would keep allowing something I felt was hugely beneficial for these boys. It became messy!

     My hurt was significant. Here was a man, a family friend, the stepfather of my daughter’s boyfriend… a man that had been let go from other coaching jobs, (all explained away), a man that I tried to give an opportunity to get back in the gym and do something that he loves, and a man (and his wife, family and others) that were rejecting and attacking me! Point is—the hurt bled into a raging anger. My thoughts found every unkind, but truthful knife, sword, mace and Uzi in my arsenal. I was ready to wield it against him, against them... I was ready to defend myself! All those rejections that I’d faced in the past... the times people had thrown me away, stabbed me in the back, people that could not see my heart in a matter...those old rejections sang their siren song wooing me toward destruction...

     Recently, I have felt called to go on prayer walks with God. I don’t love it. Walking is fine, but there is something about feeling like I have to walk that my nature bucks. Also, I can be lazy, distracted and a prima-donna desiring the perfect temperature of not too hot or cold and just like the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz... I’m pretty sure rain will melt me (and let’s not talk about that nasty white stuff that falls from the sky).

     Over the last while, I’ve been diving into the word of God. I’ve been going on those walks despite my inner grumbling and spending more time in prayer and all the things...so…

​     I went on one of the angriest walks I’ve ever had with God. I hated that I was angry because I knew it wasn’t right, but my brain couldn’t stop thinking about how I’d been wronged. How about you? Ever known through and through what you should do and how you should change, but feel powerless to do it? As I’m walking, I’d apologize to God for my attitude and anger, (and tried to pray for them), but invariably, my thoughts would turn to acid, and I be right back to stewing and seething and feeling!

     It got to the point where I was only too aware of how vile I was being. I recognized that it was my responsibility to forgive, especially considering that whole passage in the bible that talks about how we will not be forgiven if we don’t forgive. I certainly don’t want God holding my sins against me! Somewhere in my heart, I know God loves these people and that they are hurting, too. They were dealing with their own formative rejections and inner struggles, but I was so angry, I couldn’t let go of it, and I hated that about myself! My brain went to how worthless it was for me to be a Christian, if I can’t be “Christlike” and how much easier it would be to be in heaven. I conjured a bunch of ways God could kill me off. Brains being morbid and all... a car could come careening into me. Perhaps an aneurysm, heart attack, … and on and on my black thoughts swirled.

​     God is a total gentleman. Never did He condemn me for my feelings. Despite hanging onto my feelings with both fists, He never pried them out of my cold dead hands. Never sent a car, heart attack or any of the other dark things my mind conjured to take me out because I wasn’t perfect, and I couldn’t make myself stop feeling. He waited patiently for me to come to the end of, well, me, and to ask Him for help! If you’ve read this far, kudos, this is long. Don’t quit now, we are just getting to the good stuff God is revealing.

     Letting go was the first hard and easy part. As I’d mentioned, I’d been hitting the ‘good book’ pretty hard, reading in Samuel. Reading about how Israel wanted a king to rule them instead of God. God asked me if I wanted to be ruled by the world or by Him? Woof! What a question. I knew He was talking about my heart. What would rule my heart? Would pettiness, unforgiveness, and anger or could God and love win the day? Did it even matter to me what God wanted to see happen in the situation?

     Did you note I said it was both hard and easy? The hard part was making a choice with the war raging in my spirit. The fact that I struggled to trust God to deal with things the way I wanted. I knew He would deal with them, but would I find it satisfying? Would He mete out punishment or forgiveness? Isaiah 55:8-9 came to mind: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saithe the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Huff, fine.

     It came down to trust. Was I willing to trust Him to rule? The easy part was that making a choice was more like a stove fire that was easily squelched with an extinguisher. Poof, done. Decision made. God gets to win this one! God reminded me we aren’t fighting against people. We are fighting against spirits (Ephesians 6:12) bent on our destruction. We are fighting an invisible war daily and the enemy is crafty in turning souls away from the true source of love and power by hurting us and leaving invisible scars that are easily torn open and begin oozing. You know that saying, “death by 1,000 paper cuts”? It’s more like death by the 1,000 paper cuts to our soul. You feel?

     Ok, Jenn, Step 1. make a choice to allow God to rule your heart instead of all the hurts and traumas. Don’t settle for worldly kings! Don’t repay evil with evil. Step 2. The choice isn’t a feeling. Feelings can’t be the thing that drives us. Feelings are fickle, flawed and fleeting, and they will lie to you! Our feelings need to be the caboose, like on a train. We make a choice, and let the feelings catch up!

     Next, God began talking to me about the Garden of Eden. He reminded me that rejection was a big part of the first sin. Adam and Eve rejected God by disobeying Him, and then they ran, hid and tried to fix the problem themselves by sewing fig leaves together. Step 3. Let God fix it!

     God brought me again to Israel’s sin to request a king. Samuel was one of the priests, helping God lead the people. Samuel was bummed, but God said something of significance. He said, “they have not rejected you, but they have rejected Me, that I should not reign over them.” Ultimately, every rejection stems from the first rejection, the rejection of God by Adam and Eve. That curse has followed us down the line. Like Adam and Eve, we are all still rejecting God and disallowing him to rule.

     The offense and hurt that I feel results from a people that are rejecting God. The alcoholic has rejected God first, before he/she ever rejected you or I. The parent that failed to protect, rejects God first. The cheating, lying spouse... has rejected God. The critical parent is rejecting God. The boss that overlooks and the hurtful parishioners are all rejecting God….

     How does this help? What do I do with all these feelings? What do I do when a new fresh thing like the basketball example triggers the 1,000 invisible paper cuts that prior rejections and hurts have placed on my soul?

     How does it help? Like Adam and Eve, we can’t fix it ourselves. The day I asked God to heal some of the broken areas that rejection has harmed began a sweet journey between the Lord and I. I asked Him to be the King on the throne of my heart, and to help me overcome evil with good. The family in the basketball story is one that my children and I pray for consistently. It’s a family that Jason and I have witnessed to consistently. They are watching my life. I still feel wronged. I still feel hurt, but through obedience, God kept my mouth shut and I got through the last tournament, which our team won the entire thing. To date, there is no reconciliation, but there also isn’t the infliction of further harm.

     Remember, throughout the whole course of known history, people have rejected God. We aren’t alone! Jesus on the cross begged the father not to take vengeance against those perpetrators of violence because “they knew not what they were doing”. They were responding to the same evil that layers experiences and harms seeking to rob, kill and destroy us today! Jesus knew that.
What do I do with these feelings? We are given feelings to enhance our lives and experience, but we can’t let them rule us. Check out Philippians 4:8, 2 Corinthians 10:5, and Romans 12:2.

     Triggers: we all have hurts that have informed behavior patterns and when that raw nerve is touched, whew, it’s tough to refrain from bleeding on those who didn’t cut you. The most important thing to do is invite God in. For some, God might tell you to find help to sort through those old traumas. I think the antidote will be different for each. What I would say is, don’t run and hide like Adam and Eve. The fig leaves won’t work, and it doesn’t solve the problem.
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     A closing thought, sometimes I think we need to know that pain is safe to feel. It hurts and is uncomfortable, but it will not destroy you. In the natural, a festering wound needs to be cleaned out. In the spirit, our inner man needs that too, and this is where Jesus comes in! I’m more than happy to help anyone that feels they need accountability or help to get started!

​By Joyce Pelletier
                                  Psalm 127:1 Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain 

                So many times, when something new and different comes up, I pray for God’s will. I am learning that the only way to fly is in the hands of Jesus. Whenever I need to contemplate a new request from an unexpected source, I first think, ‘no, that’s not for me to consider. Others are more qualified.’ So then, I stop and think, what if God wants me to do this? My heart takes a leap of openness. Nothing is impossible with God, right?
                So, when I consider the request more thoroughly and realize that when God makes the call, He knows who He’s calling. He knows what the answer is, it is me to find out what His desire is. Then like Romans 8:28 says, “everything works out for good for those who love the Lord and fit into His plan.”
                How many times have we quoted this from Romans and leave out “fit into His Plan.?” I know I am guilty of that. But more and more He leads me to seek his plan. To build a house, we need a blueprint, plans, carpenters, electricians, plumbers, and yes sometimes a decorator. I know whenever we moved to a new space, which were many, I’ve decorated with what we have. Somehow, we make do.
                In our nearly sixty years of marriage, we have moved 13 times. Each place was different. In the first two years we moved 9 times. We were trying to find ourselves and where we belonged. The nineth time we had our two children. We moved to a small garage apartment on a farm and the owner that we worked for built a house for us to live with more space. This was down the road a mile at end, of the property. Nine years later, we moved to a different farm for about five years. We then found a new job in the Burlington area. After a few more moves we retired and came to Colchester.
                Each place we lived we learned so much. When we moved to the house at the end of the property, we started to meet neighbors and returned to church. Both of us came into contact with Jesus through our neighbors who became our first Christian family. Every place we lived was a new steppingstone for our journey.
                In 2008 we found ourselves at the doorstep of Daybreak. So much of life that we have experienced along the way. There was the good, the hard, the challenging events. But, God’ light gets brighter and brighter. God has worked with us all along the road. He gave us tools to work with and the promise of him being at our side. Colchester has been the longest stay of all. Since walking through the doors of Daybreak, we’ve been able to grow and each step has been a conviction to trust in Jesus for all things.
                Or there are times we try to take things back into our control, but, it just doesn’t work that way. A lot of ways along this journey has had moments of feeling inadequate. Truth be told, those inadequacies have carried us through every door that Jesus has brought us to where we are today. It’s been over 45 years since we started this journey. We are in our 19th year in Colchester. The longest time in any place.
                We don’t know what the future holds, but I do know we are being protected and guided by our Loving Father. His Son has seen to it to put us where we are and there is no other place to be. I highly recommend Jesus as your architect. He has a plan for you and us, too.
                Father, show us the path you want us to travel, so we may stay in touch with your plan for all our lives. Lord, I trust you know what is best for us. For your name and glory.
AMEN