James 4:7 says
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you.
Since I was a wee one I have had trouble with submit. And surrender. And obey. But mostly submit. I have heard stories about when I was small and my dad would say "don't touch my guitar". Every time he picked it up to play it was full of crayons or toys.
As I have grown I have learned to dislike the word even more. As a teen I remember the fear of being followed by a police car. So much so that I would pull into the nearest parking lot and pretend I was going into the store to avoid driving in front of them. Not that I was doing anything wrong, but I had this deep fear of authority.
As I grew, life taught me that I could rely on no on but myself. At age 19, I had two small children as a divorced woman.
I was stubbornly defiant refusing any sort of help from anyone.
God repeatedly showed me His goodness and grace as I fought Him at every turn. At times I imagine Him rolling His eyes and sighing as I willfully pushed my own agenda instead of accepting His prompting. Yet gently and patiently He waited... every time. Not once withholding the blessings or His gifts because of my stubbornness. Even in the hardest places I can see now that He was with me. That He protected me, even shielded me from harm.
So many times I heard "get out of my way" when He was doing something in someone's life.
As I have slowly learned to let God lead, to respond to His gentle nudges, and to be open to His greater plan for my life, I have seen things grow and blossom as I could never have imagined. There is no joy quite like that which I feel when giving to another at His prompting or seeing Him moving in a life I have been praying for. His plan is so much greater on a seriously grander scale than mine could ever be. If I just submit to His will.
I have learned that submit has a new meaning to me now. I can accept that His plan is for a greater good. To build me and grow me but not to harm me. As it turns out it wasn't all about me after all.
It is so rewarding to see the growth in all those around me as we all have grown in community. I can even see now that what was once referred to by others as stubbornness or defiance is really the gift of not giving up on others. A gift that He can use for good.
Thank you for never giving up. Thank you that you can use all things for good and you never let go of me. That your plans are so much greater than anything I can dream or hope for. I am grateful that you desire your very best for me. That when I follow your lead you create divine appointments and bring blessings after blessings. Help me to submit to your will in all things, to allow you to advance your kingdom.
In Jesus precious name.