BY JOYCE PELLETIER
"If I say, surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depts of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
It was in the early 70’s when God got a hold of me. I was married for less than 10 years. My life was going nowhere. Our children were six and eight. I was ‘much afraid’ of many things (from Hannah Hurnard’s book, Hinds Feet to High Places.) Death was my greatest roadblock. I thought I had the power to control that anyone I knew or loved would never die, because I could not face that reality.
We got a call that Maurice’s stepmother passed away. Maurice’s siblings from Connecticut offered to pick Maurice up for a trip to Canada for the funeral. Me being the strong mother, I told Maurice that I was not going to the funeral because we didn’t have anyone to care for the children. He was fine with my choice to stay home.
His brothers arrived and Maurice joined them for this trip to Canada. They weren’t close to their stepmother but went out of respect for their dad.
Not 10 minutes after they left, I found myself hit a huge wall of guilt for my selfish decision to not go. I hit rock bottom in my life and choice. I didn’t support the family. I went to see my oldest and dearest friend to pour out my guilt.
After sharing my heart with her. Instead of condemnation, I received was the truth of who God is. She witnessed to me that afternoon as our kids played unaware in the other room. She led me in the sinner’s prayer. And my life turned completely around. I felt the guilt leave me like a shower washing off my body filled with mud. My life changed that day forever.
The darkness tried to hide me in my sin, but when I opened the door, the ‘Light’ came in. That was all that I needed.
Darkness – what is the first word that comes to you? Mine is ‘sin’! Before I met Jesus, my life was filled with “ME” and what I wanted out of life. I didn’t know God then. I know when I got into a time of stress or difficulty, I was in the dark, because I was not with God. I didn’t know Him then. I would call out to God, but no answer came until this situation.
But you say, “dark is as light to you.” In my sin I tried to hide, but how can I hide when the light reveals what is sin and in darkness. It’s revelation! There was a day when His light showed me how selfish I was and that my life was going nowhere. His light didn’t condemn me! He didn’t take a weapon out to threaten me. He spoke in gentle, yet firm words to my heart. Jesus reached out to help me out of my pit.
On that day of my salvation, I faced the demons of selfishness and saw that it was not good. I surrendered my life to the one who could save me. I could not understand why a ‘Man’ had to die for me. Now, I know differently that His death gave me life. He does that for all of us who believe.
The day I became aware that God truly loved me, was one I will never forget. Since then, my life has not been the same. Sitting at my friend’s table and sharing my regrets, I was able to lay it all down and step onto a new journey for my life. My friend and I continue to be best friends for more than 50 years, for which I am eternally grateful for. We are always there for one another. More coming in the next segment.