the bridegroom and the bride

The Bridegroom and the Bride

All that I have and all that I am I lay it before you
All of my hopes and all of my plans I lay them before you
As a living sacrifice That was bought with such a price
A covenant between bride and groom May I be an offering that’s pleasing
To the one who paid the debt for all my sins So All that I have and all that I am
I lay it before you

      Twenty two years ago, in a Church in the Old North End of Burlington, Vermont, I
gathered with my friends and family to boldly go where some have gone before. I got
married to the love of my life, a man who I knew way less than I would have ever admit
at the time. We were young. We were naïve, and we were married.

       The future was ripe with possibilities, and I was all for it. The reality was a lot different
than I expected. In my fanciful imaginings as a child, I believed marriage to be this
larger-than-life bond that would fill in all the empty places in my soul. I would never be
lonely again. I would always have a partner in life to be there through thick and thin. All
the insecurities I felt as a single woman would be dissolved into bliss.
     
      Only the version of reality that I signed up for was very different than the fantastical
version in my head. My insecurities didn’t get soothed or dissolved. In fact, some of the
worst things I thought about myself were magnified in ways that I would never have
dreamed possible. And while I was able to work in the beginning, having children right
away, I soon became isolated in a way that I would never have pictured either. My
children were amazing and beautiful (still are) but they held a different kind of
companionship. They were never meant to be partners in life.
 
      I have never regretted my decision to have children, but pregnancy and postpartum
hormones did surprising things to my body that I also could not have expected.
The worst things about me were amplified in my mind and sometimes in my ears. Was I
actually lovable? Was I ever beautiful? Was I just destined to be alone for the rest of 
my days, while committed to maintaining a relationship with the man I had chosen for
myself? 

      I had never felt more ugly, more fat, or less valuable than I did in marriage. And yet…
there was another covenant at play. Another bridegroom.
“For your maker is your husband, the Lord of Hosts is His name.” Isaiah 54:5
He is the One who whispered in my ear, “You ARE beautiful,” when I sat in a Bible study
feeling very confident that I was not.

      He is the One who breathed comfort to me while I mourned miscarriage after
miscarriage alone. He is the One who healed the wounds made against me again and
again. He is the One who allowed me to go from despair to confidence. He is the One
who spoke to me in the middle of my loneliness and reminded me that I am not alone.
I have known incredible and beautiful intimate moments with the One who promised
never to leave me nor forsake me, the One who told me He would be with me always,
even to the very end of the age.

      I was recently listening to an explanation about the new covenant that God made with
his Church. In ancient times, the marriage contract would have been clear to the
culture. The bridegroom would make a pledge, sealing the deal with a shared drink of
wine. They would then go on to pay a dowry price. They would leave a pledge for the
bride, and finally they would go to make a home for their bride. The response of the
bride is to give her life in return.
     
      Jesus, at the last supper took the cup of wine, and told his disciples that it was the new
covenant. He drank of the cup, and shortly after, he paid the price for the bride—laying
down his own life for her sake. He conquered death in a most valiant display of love,
and then after visiting his disciples again, he told them he would go on to prepare a
place for his bride, but not without leaving a pledge, the Holy Spirit. In response, as his
bride, I lay down my life to him.

      Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your
bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and
proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed
by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what
God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2

      My beloved made a way for me through the darkest night, and the stormiest weather.
My beloved promised to be with me always and I live with that hope and understanding.
Marriage was meant to foreshadow or point to the most amazing relationship that we
could ever have or know. The most high God is my husband, and I don’t ever need to
be afraid.