Hiding from god

By Mary Spence

I was watching a video recently about being in God's will. Pastor Trent on Instagram talks about how both Simon and Jonah heard from God. He told Simon to throw his nets to the other side. After an entire night of catching nothing, same bait, same net, same boat, nothing changes. Simon was obeying God. 

Jonah on the other hand went the other way. He heard from God and went in the opposite direction. But God did not abandon him. He went with him on the path he decided to take. First, I wondered how Jonah thought he was going to hide from God?  Did Jonah think God could not see him? 

Then I remembered when I lost my brother. He died suddenly, at age 43, alone in a motel room. I was devastated. At that point in time, we were not speaking to each other. Mark had been my “ride or die”my  whole life. We were born less than 2 years apart. We drove each other crazy. No one else knows how to push your buttons like a sibling. But he also came to my rescue when I was in trouble. He knew me better than anyone else. We had the same experiences growing up, celebrating wins and suffering losses together. Mutual wounds and scars covered both of our hearts. 

When he died, I too, hid from God, just like Jonah. I retreated back into a corner of my couch, wishing it was me instead of him. Once the shock finally dissipated, I was angry, so angry at God. But God knew all of that and He still came and comforted me. I was not strong in my relationship with Him at that time. I viewed Him as a distant, stern father. I had not experienced His love personally yet. But I was about to… He sent a pastor to me to say "God is a God of bedside salvation". My brother was not a believer yet. He had been to AA meetings and heard about a greater being but had not declared his faith. He didn’t go to church. We had talked about God and I told him what I knew. He talked with my husband about God while they hunted together. I heard this pastor say that he believed that Jesus gave a person right up until the end, their last breath, to choose Him. And I knew. 
  
I began to feel the weight of Jesus' arm across my shoulder. Slowly I became aware of the ones around me suffering this horrible loss too. And I felt a comfort I could not explain. Instead of my heart feeling like it was irrevocably broken, it began to beat again. I got up, I showered, I somehow put on clothes and I began to move forward. When it felt like I just couldn't do it, He did. I was aware of His presence in a way that I had never felt before. It is true that He cares for the brokenhearted. When I hear about the prodigal son returning and the father gathering up his garments and running to his son and gathering him in his arms and kissing his face, I know. Because that is how Jesus embraces me. Because I've seen it. I've felt it.

When people say that God is there in the deepest valleys and on the mountain tops, I can shout Amen! I experienced Him so much more personally in my deepest valley that I was never the same after.  He is there for the good, for the miracles and our victories. But He is so much closer to us in the valleys… in the deep loss, in the paralyzing grief. In the places where you think you are completely alone. Look up. He is not only there, He is holding you.
 
Take hold of that hand, friend. He can bring comfort, peace. He desires His very best for you and He sees you. Wherever you are hiding, even in the belly of a fish.