don't run off ahead!

   By Rebecca Vickery

       Surrender. Lay it all down. It’s a remedy for stagnation. It’s a remedy for anxiety.
When we approach the throne of God, sometimes it means putting aside other things.
My life was put on hold for a time while I dealt with health issues that had robbed me of
function and energy. Now that I can do more things, it is so hard not to just run
headlong into all the things I missed. But all that time of being able to do very little, I
was hanging out with the Lord. I was holding His hand and letting Him direct my
movements.

     Now that I’m moving outwardly again, I don’t want to stop holding His hand. I don’t want
to run off in a direction He’s not leading. Lord, what do YOU want me to do? Where do
You want me to go? One step at a time. I’ve resumed some of my ministry roles. I’ve
taken up some new ministry opportunities. And I’ve continued resting in the Lord.
Life as a new believer was similar. But back then, I did more excited running off, so now
I’m trying to use a more measured and cautious approach. There are so many great
things out there, but not all of them are my things.

     Lord, I want to be used by you. I want to point others to you. I want to see victories in
places that there has only been strife. Not MY will but yours be done. In all things, give
thanks. Are there things that I’m not giving thanks for, simply because I’m so distracted
in doing, that I forget the source of all good things? The deeper I go, the more I can be
​ convicted about other things I need to surrender.

     What is preventing me from serving the Lord whole heartedly? What can I give up for
you? What should I lay down and not pick back up? These are the questions I have
been asking myself, but more importantly, these are the questions I bring to the Lord.

     What is preventing me from being wholly and fully Yours? Attending Celebrate
Recovery and owning my struggle with codependency, this verse has hit me in
the head a few times recently. “Am I now trying to win the approval of human
beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please
people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10 I am a recovering people
pleaser. I try not to step on toes. I try (too hard) to accommodate everyone in my space
to make sure they are the okay-est they can be. But I cannot please everyone all the
time. It matters most that my behavior, my thoughts and my heart are pleasing
to the Lord. Sometimes that means I’m going to upset people. It is not just a
possibility, it is reality.
​
     When that becomes the issue, Peter and John’s words from Acts 4:19 come to mind.
“Which is right in God’s eyes: to listen to you, or to listen to Him? You be the judge.”
I know that God can turn lives around. I know he HAS turned my life around. What else
can I do to be faithful to Him and His message? How can I produce fruit and be a
worker for the harvest? The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. What stands in
the way of me saying, “Here I am, send me!”?

     Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is
any offensive way in me; lead me in the way everlasting. Lord, you know that we are
prone to go astray. We are the branches, and you are the vine. If we remain in you,
and your Words remain in us, we can bear much fruit. I don’t want to live a life
detached from You. I need you too much for that. Lord, help us to be a people
following after you wholeheartedly. Help us to love you and show others your love so
that they may follow after you with their whole hearts as well. Amen.